Tuesday, February 28, 2006

by the way, about those annonymous calls...





it's really him.

Monday, February 27, 2006

you used to be my source of comfort and security.



not anymore.



not at the moment, at least.



the more i think about what happened the night before, the harder i break.



not the fact that you got worked up.



but the fact that there's no one else i can turn to.



couldn't sleep properly yet again last night.



my nights used to be so short.



now they're longer than ever.



fuck.

i'm getting depressed.



it's so difficult to find someone to talk to these days. or rather, someone who will actually listen to your grouses genuinely.



my life is kinda screwed. sure, the office environment now is really nice. but i'm so sick and tired of waking up at 7 in the morning, rush with the morning crowd, do the same thing over and over again at work, come home, eat, shower, and sleep.



won't someone somewhere grant me some time for myself?



i'm feeling so, so tired. mentally.



i'm not someone who complains a lot, much less wallow in self-pity. but even if i do, i don't show it to the whole world. just one, or two special people in my life.



but now, even the most likely candidate turned against me.



sometimes, sometimes... you need someone who will listen to what you have to say. get it off yout chest. someone out there, who wouldn't judge you. who wouldn't give you any suggestions. who wouldn't turn the whole situation around and talk about their problems instead. just someone who... listens.



but doesn't the opposite seem to happen all the time?



so you say this time around it's going too far. i'm starting to feel far too sorry for myself. yet i'm not doing anything about it. right? guess i am. guess i am complaining too much about the same thing over and over.



hey you all out there. doesn't it irk you when someone u know just wallows in self-pity and makes it a point that YOU know about it?



well, how about if i asked you: if someone wallows in self-pity, but doesn't show it at all; keeps it all inside, and suffers himself? bet you wouldn't mind that at all, would you?



that would be an option.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

someone just called. i have no idea who.



"private number" was displayed on the external lcd of my nokia 6710.



i picked up the phone, before realizing in horror that it may be him. the bastard. that asswipe.



no one else calls at funny hours like this.



fuck.



so i kept quiet. and so did he.



i cut the line.



he called again.



i ran to my mum and told her to answer it and to ask who it was if he/she asked for me.



she said "hello", and he replied, "hello". mum said "hello" again.



and then the holding music came on.



i cut the line.



damn. i'm quite certain it's him. his house number is private afterall.



moreover, if it was an honest call, the other party would have said "is genevieve there?" or something along that line.



right?

Thursday, February 09, 2006

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.7
Mind:	7.2
Body:	8
Spirit:	6.7
Friends/Family:	4.4
Love:	7.7
Finance:	6.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Your Life Analysis:




Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score is reasonably high. This means that you are on a good path. Continue doing what is working and set about to improve in areas which continue to lag. Do this starting today and you will begin to reap the benefits immediately.



Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is within a healthy zone. This means you have achieved a level of mental balance and harmony consistent with living a healthy, happy life. Continue doing what works, and keep your focus. In our fast-paced world, mental clutter is all too common. Be vigilant in maintaining healthy mental function.



Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather good body score, which is an indication that you take care of yourself. There is room for improvement, however. Please keep doing what works. Eat right, exercise, reduce your stress, treat any illness. Doing these things will help ensure your body will be in good working order for a long time to come.



Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score is relatively high, which means you are rewarded by your beliefs. Spirituality is clearly important to do. Never let it slip, and continue to learn and grow.



Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score suffers, yet it does not need to be this way. Strengthen your social network by reaffirming old bonds. Seek out new friendships, and they will provide you the reward you need. Try using MeetUp.com to find people near you who share your interests.



Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is in good shape, meaning that things are going well. Do all you can to maintain it, and continue to grow and move ahead. Read advice from other quiz-takers on finding and maintaining love.



Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your finances are somewhat in the middle, neither bad or exceptional. Keep doing what works for you, and improve what doesn't. Focus on long-term financial stability as your goal.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

i'm getting sick of work. or rather, the people around me.



feeling ostracized these days.



and it's not like as if i'm not trying or i'm isolating myself.



it's just... them.



just feel that i'm becoming less and less significant to that bunch of people.



they're just indifferent to whether i'm there or not.



especially this particular one. F****N



he called me from aussie today during lunch time. i almost cried. luckily i didn't.



i miss his sole attention.



and i miss the girls too. guess these peeps the only ones who actually treat me with significance.



thank goodness attachment is ending soon. i can't wait to get away from them.

right... so now he has left for aussie already. and another friend too. it's getting quiet around here. both of them are the noisy ones in the group. i'll miss him. just not as much... YET. it seems like it hasn't sunk in that i wouldnt be seeing him or holding him for 4 months. since we started six months ago, we havent not seen each other for more than 2 days, as in, more than 48 hours. i think the closest we got to was about 40? i know it's crazy, but it's just... different... with him.



anyway i told him weeks before that i wasnt gonna kiss him goodbye infront of his family and our friends. HAHA! then in changi airport i think we kinda implemented some kinda method of reducing the pain. minimal physical contact, that is. we didn't even hug goodbye as he walked thru the departure gates. maybe, maybe it worked. same theory as to why according to the singapore law family members of inmates sent to the gallows aren't allowed to have any physical contact with each other. refer to the vietnamese boy's case. according to doctors, it'll cause a psychological effect. makes the pain worse.



oh wells, gotta get used to being alone for a while. quite a formidable task for me after meeting him. he's made me rather dependent on him. in the sense that i could always count on him to be with me whenever i needed him.



i'm glad i'll be joining him soon in july. i dunno how i can take the feeling of seeing him come, and go, come, and go. when i finally go over, it'll be a new chapter in my life.



oh by the way, i bought my frank gehry watches already. one for myself and one for him. gave it to him at his place yesterday before we left for the airport. haha. so cute to see him behave like gollum from lord of the rings with the watch. my precious...



i seriously can't wait to get my ass into aussieland.